Our Story

Her voice was troubling and she sounded concerned. She explained the situation surrounding my father. In those few minutes, she told me that our father wasn’t doing well. His nephrologist had told him that he had 6 months to get a kidney transplant otherwise he would have to go on dialysis. We knew he had been diagnosed with chronic renal failure a couple of months ago. My sister explained how he had registered with a hospital in Manhattan to be on the national waiting list in New York. She said that he thought this was his only option. We spoke about how we were tested in the past as a family. Unfortunately, we were incompatible with our father’s blood type. Her words inspired me in those few minutes we spoke. We both felt that we had to respond. After all, he was our father and it didn’t matter to me at that point if we were talking or not.

I had worked as a nurse five years prior to changing careers. I now worked in finance in Manhattan. My sister, a clinical social worker, also worked in the medical field. She agreed knowing that the national waiting list (UNOS) was 2-6 years to receive a kidney from a cadaver donor. We also knew that if he waited that long, he would surely be on dialysis. Lastly, we knew that when the time came for him to receive a transplant, it would be from a cadaver. None of us wanted to see our father suffer through dialysis or wait on a list. We knew dialysis would take a toll on his body. None of these choices were an option for my mom, sisters or I. We kept thinking to ourselves that there had to be a way out of this mess, possibly a quick fix. We just knew there had to be an alternative.

So after brainstorming with my sisters, the idea came shortly after getting off the phone with my sister, Heather. My sisters and I all agreed that we would use a web site called craigslist to find a donor for our father. In the past, we had used this website for finding jobs, selling furniture and finding childcare. It was even used as a way to build a community and a positive way for meeting people, contacts and friends. Lastly, it was a great outlet for gaining exposure as it serviced people within the states and those outside of the United States. It was a website that you also use as a marketing tool. You could create ads in different sections for free. Overall, it was great because you could choose where to place your ad and in return, you received great exposure. The website had been quite successful in the past, so we figured why not place an ad in the volunteer section for our father? Why not do so for a potential living donor for our father? So our search began in the hopes of finding that special person.

I started typing away at my desk at work as my sisters typed away at there place of work. The ad read “Please help me find a kidney for my Dad.” It may have sounded desperate but it’s what came to our minds at the time. We had also decided to place all our personal contact information on the ad. We knew he didn’t have much time as I remembered my sister telling me that he had 6 months to receive a transplant otherwise he would need dialysis. Those words scattered through my head like butterflies.

A week went by and one person responded. It was a man from New York City. He stated that he worked in substance abuse counseling and wanted to help. He wanted to donate. After we spoke with him on the phone on several occasions and over email, he sounded odd. While speaking to him for about a few weeks, his stories would change and he was never consistent. It turned out he wasn’t well and it was possibly due to psychological issues. I kept posting ads along with my sisters, thinking to ourselves that there was still hope.

It was now Fall and the leaves were more beautiful than ever. It was the changing of the season that reminded us to continue on our search. It gave us a feeling that this was a time of renewal and so we began posting more ads. A few days later, all of us received several emails from numerous people who were just reaching out to us. It was quite amazing. Then came the few people that wanted monetary rewards for donating their kidney. We knew that selling organs was illegal and so we, of course dismissed them. Out of the disappointments, came words of encouragement and empathy. It was great to see these people reaching out to our family and to our father. People were also praying for us from all over the United States. They helped us deal with the disappointments as we continued on our mission to save our father. They gave us hope and that is what kept us going.
Finally, it was October and a local news radio reporter noticed our ad on craigslist. It was by coincidence that the reporter was an old classmate of ours from school. We hadn’t spoken in years. She wanted to interview us all, including my parents. She thought the story was extremely compelling and she wanted to be able to relay the message to the public. She had stated that once we completed the interview, we would be getting more media attention along with obtaining more donors. The interview went very well even though it was extremely emotional for all of us.

Less than a day later, our cell phones would not stop ringing. We started getting reporters from all the national news stations. I had to leave work in Manhattan as my sisters arranged the media to come to my parent’s home. They soon came in hordes wanting to hear our story. They interviewed us and shortly after we were on both local and national news stations and newspapers. We were in awe as we couldn’t believe all the publicity.

We were shocked that our idea had sparked the attention of so many people. The reporters couldn’t believe what an amazing idea it was to post an ad on this website for a kidney donor for our father. They had stated that the website had never been used as a medical venue before. Once again, we didn’t know this. We just posted the ad because we knew we had to find a way to save our father’s life. It only came natural, as it came from our hearts.

In the days that followed, we received numerous calls. Most were within the United States however some were international as well. People kept contacting us wanting to donate. We started to compile a list. Many fell through the cracks as they had medical issues or just weren’t genuine donors. Some were scams. We also were working with the hospital that my father had registered with in Manhattan. They started giving us problems with the few donors that we had. We soon realized that the hospital that we were working with didn’t believe in altruistic donation. However, the hospital had told us on the first interview that they were open to altruistic donation although they didn’t do many unrelated kidney transplant surgeries. We actually never knew for certain due to their confusing answers. For four months, they led us to believe that everything was fine and that they accepted our situation. However many times, their communication with us was unprofessional and not promising. We felt that they also didn’t like the fact that we had control over the situation. We had found an alternative way out of the “medical model” to obtain a donor for our father. You would think they would be helpful due to our efforts, however they were not. They led us to believe all along that they would do the surgery and yet it never happened. Lastly, they scared off our donors by giving them false information and stating to them that we were compatible with our father. They also pushed their kidney SWAP program on to our donors while stating to them that my father wasn’t even on dialysis yet. Unfortunately, it seemed they wanted to use our donors for their SWAP program so they could increase their kidney transplant surgeries and thereby gaining publicity.

Again, it seemed it was all about money and recognition for them. They didn’t care about our father or our situation. Once our donors notified us of what the hospital was saying to them, we immediately contacted the transplant team. But of course the hospital denied everything. Due to all the chaos, the few donors we had became disinterested and fed up with waiting for the hospital to get back to us. As a result, we lost our donors. We were now back to square one.

Despite the news, we just kept remembering the positive people that continued to reach out to us. We decided it was time to find another hospital however, we had no donors. So the search went on and my father was getting weaker. I began giving him Procrit injections every weekend where as before it was every other week. My sisters and I continued with posting ads every day, in almost every city of every state we could. We started to change the ads around so that we could expand our search. It was now January 2008, as I sat there once again at work in my cubicle focused on getting a donor for my father.

After a few weeks went by, our cell phones were ringing again. People were responding from everywhere, willing to donate. We figured this time around, we would screen them more thoroughly. We began asking them why they wanted to donate, their past medical history and their blood type. We then responded to them through email and contacted them over the phone after each of us left our 9-5 jobs. Every night from then on, we continued to receive potential kidney donors. As a family, our nights consisted of talking about these donors and finding a hospital. My relationship with my father began stronger as I continued to fight for his life along with my sisters and mother.

My sisters began going to the local hospital’s meetings on kidney transplants and met someone who had been a living donor. He had given his kidney to someone outside of New York and had the transplant done at this local hospital. The person he donated his kidney to was someone he found in the local newspaper. He referred us to this hospital right away as he wanted to help us.

We immediately started to set up an appointment to meet with the transplant team. They greeted our father with open arms and stated that they believed in unrelated living donation. They stated that they had done these surgeries quite frequently. In fact, this man my sisters and I had met was the first living donor to donate to a patient in the kidney transplant program at the hospital. This was very exciting to us. As we finally had found a hospital that was willing to work with us. So we began coordinating my dad’s evaluation along with scheduling these donors to get their blood drawn. We had to arrange a blood kit to be sent to our donors out of state under the hospital’s direction.

From there, they would get their blood tested at their local lab or doctor’s office. Instructions were also enclosed in the kit that the hospital sent out. Once the donors received the instructions with the kit, they were told to contact the hospital. After getting their blood tests done, our donors had to also FedEx their blood back to New York. The blood had to be obtained and sent to New York within a 24 hr time period as the blood was only good for 24hrs. With time not on our sides, we had two great potential donors tested outside of New York. Unfortunately, one donor disappeared and the other continued to work with us.

It was now May and we did have one donor who was working with us for a while. Unfortunately, she had recently been ruled out due to medical reasons. We were now searching for another donor. Many people were reaching out to us as we searched for a new donor. It had been very stressful but we knew there was hope out there.
It soon turned to July and we had two donors who were in the primary stages of testing. We were hopeful as it had been a long journey for all of us. At this point in time, we would know in a week or so, if we have a surgery date.

Sadly, we received bad news that one of our donors was ruled out at the last moment for medical reasons. We were now working with our second donor in California who responded to our ad on Mother’s Day. This particular donor was very close to her father and wanted to help as she saw three sisters who loved their father. She was never an organ donor but a blood donor. We had to go back to her and ask if she was still interested. We reached out to her and she stated she had to think more about it. After a month, she stated she was interested and wanted to help us save our father. We were so grateful for her involvement. It was quite stressful and frustrating knowing that the end seemed so near with our last donor but we knew we could only move forward as we had faith in knowing that everything happens for a reason.

It was soon November and we had been told our donor from California was cleared after all secondary testing. Our father was transplanted on December 12, 2008 in New York. We were all so excited and happy that we found a very special person that changed our father’s life forever.